what i have just said

book store... busy satuday afternoon shift... sarah is angry... for she is dressed in a stupid white nylon shirt for the double points promotion. she flat out refused to wear it but then was forced to conceed by her stupid manager man who refused to leave until she put it on and then yelled at her... they only ordered XL so sarah and shakti are dressed in white tents...

man : "hi where are your bestsellers?"
Sarah Bookseller : "ummm there is no specific section... what are you looking for in particular?"
man: "i have a friend's birthday"
SB : "Soo.... fiction? non fiction?"
man : "business or autobiography"
SB : "Oh 'Screw it let's do it?'"

(side note : 'Screw it let's do it' is a famous and very popular book written by RIchard Branson)

man : blink blink.... "excuse me?"
SB : realising what she has said : "ummm its over there" points at shelf
man : "oo-o-oh it's a book? i thought...." grins
SB : "hahahah. No." makes shakti help the customer

i can't help it people. Double entendres are my game!

thomas says i am boring

no really

he just sat down and told me that nobody wants to read my blog because it is boring... well, thomas! you can bite me, bambi!

and so here goes the story of why tom shows me such animosity -

it all started when we were about 11 years old and at school together and tommy dear decided to give me a valentine. well, suffice to say, i felt abhorred by this. i have no idea why, but i needed to do something about it. so i proceeded to flush it down the toilet. and so, ever since then, tom has sworn off the fairer sex (for ever...) and has been really really mean to me. and i think it's about time it stops! ;)

it is finally raining. for about 3 days now, it's been really hot - around 35 degrees - and i have been dying. irish catholic skin never bodes well for heat and i have been lying on my bed, in front of my fan, whittling the nights away. couldnt go to fuel cafe. couldnt go for drinks. and now, bless the heavens for they have opened and i can hear the thunder through the thin walls of our shop. it reminds me of the time we got lost in the arabian desert on our way back from an illegal bottle store and it began to POUR and we switched dave's GPRS on hin his car and it said 'you are in the arabian gulf' and we said 'yes thats nice, but that is the ocean and we are not there'

the end

free advertising for laura

... 'free advertising'... oxymoron! you will probably pay later. he he he

anyhoo

laura has a blog! yay!

please visit it. it's called 'I dont want a blog' and the address is http://noblog4laura.blogspot.com

tra la la

aaaand finally! the main reason international celebrities love jo'burg!

Caprice has bought a house here. and now... on my way to work and to varsity... there is a huuuuge... i'm talking HUGE billboard of Caprice in a skimpy bikini on the side of the highway. announcing that she is launching : "Debbie Does Dallas... the Musical!" at the state theatre

oh goody!

15 random things about me

i’ve been tagged
and i now tag helen ... hahahahahahahaaa


i) i find the post office to be one scary place. dono why there’s just something about it that yells ‘protect yourself!’ at me

ii) i have 2 birth certificates and 2 id numbers. it’s like the world is trying to persuade me to be schizophrenic

iii) i love watching award shows … for anything. They once had some award thingy on this Chinese channel for Chinese soap stars. That was awesome. Didn’t understand what was going on, but that’s the beauty of soap stars… their eyebrows tell stories.

iv) I’ve never shoplifted. Except when I was shopping at woolworths once, they didn’t charge me for something and I noticed at the end, but was in a hurry and didn’t go back and tell them and was wracked with guilt. So I went back the next day and asked them to let me pay and they said no it was their mistake, yet I still feel guilty…

v) They misdiagnosed me with a heart problem when I was younger and had to go on some trial medication and after a few months they realised there was nothing wrong with me and took me off it. But, the side effects of this drug still live on : my skin is very very sensitive and so I burn immediately. That coupled with the history of skin cancer in my family means that I tend to stay out of the sun and cover up a lot.

vi) I thought I was so super smart in Grade 11 when I did a 3rd year diploma in Latin from the University of Pretoria. However, I got there to write the exam in November and found myself surrounded by little home schooled 12 year olds who were all completing degrees and felt like a numbnut.

vii) For some reason people I know are all jumping on the ‘star in an advert’ bandwagon. Warren (the bouncer) is ‘cheesy crowd man’ in the annoying vodacom meerkat breakdancing ad. Damon is ‘watching tv’ man in the aero chunky ad. And that’s only in the past week.

viii) the last time I set something on fire was last night. I was at vanny’s house reading her newspaper and I set it alight on the stove.

ix) I have set myself on fire before. 4 times.

x) I could speak Zulu before I could speak English… my mom was a Zulu teacher (amongst others) but I’ve lost it all

xi) If I had known the last musical theatre production I was in was going to be my last for a while, I would have made a concerted effort to enjoy it more. I miss it.

xii) All of the major injuries I have sustained have been caused by me dancing around the house to songs such as the Ghostbusters Theme Song, The Grease Soundtrack and the classic hit ‘Cant Touch This’ and falling off the couch in the process.

xiii) My eyesight is so bad (contact lenses) that my hearing ability evolved to make up for it (no seriously). I can hear about 2 decibels above and one below normal humans. I also boast an excellent ability to eavesdrop.

xiv) I have a lot of grey hair. I pull it out. Or make mike do it.

xv) My passion in life is genocide and that sounds odd. When I’d go to class I’d say ‘oh goody I have genocide now’ and people would look at me funny. So I now make a concerted effort to say ‘genocide prevention’ makes me seem less of a rogue… I think

solving the worlds problems in a single afternoon

i have this great professor who , when faced with anything - a wayward essay, a frantic student, potential destruction of the entire universe, he takes it, makes a few jokes and then tells us his plans to fix it

yesterday in class we had a discussion about north korea (who, like i've said before, i have a soft spot for because of the debates that shaks and i have represented them at. when you start thinking like a rogue, you start loving them) and nuclear weaponry. considering that in my other class, we basically have to solve the iranian nuclear crisis in order to get an A and my professor (damn him!!) thought it funny to make ME represent AMERICA hahahahaa bite me (yes i am taking the personality of john bolton) , i have a LOT to say on nuclear technology (say 'iranian uranium' 10 times fast) yesterday was my cup of tea

however, we got to discussing about how the DPRK could destroy Seoul in like 20 minutes and it made me slightly edgy... i'm not all for the complete destruction of 10 million people. and so - we fixed it. we have 2 really great ideas (no johnny, i'm not accrediting your 'lets bomb them!!' to this pile! bah hah hah) to solve the whole problem. i obviously cant tell you these plans because they are top secret and all that jazz, but i left that class with a sense of accomplishment and slept easy.... defenders of the world! ;)

and now one of these defender people has to go and teach her last ever 1st year class. slightly sad. but not really.

shout out to mariks! howdy hi old chum!

Free advertising for Tom

Hello Sarah's biatches who read her blog. It's Tom here, aka the Joburgboy (http://www.xanga.com/joburgboy)

Sarah has given me the privilege of writing on her blog. At the moment, she is busy marking essays, and she is getting quite depressed doing this, because the essays are depressing. Those stupid little tuttlings of her don't realise what a fabulous tutor she is - I would fail about 80% of these idiots. And seriously... when I was a little tuttling, my tutor never gave his/her class such things as caramello bears, which Sarah is planning to give them tomorrow. And have you ever heard of a tutor who puts smiley faces in her comments of your essays? Well.. Sarah does. See? Ella es muy fantastica! (that means... I think... she is very fantastic)

Speaking of Spanish things, I noticed the other day, Sarah, that you referred to your family as 'travestidos.' This translates as transvestites. Yes.. Sarah called her family a bunch of transvestites. Now I, being a trannie myself (ok not really... but I plan to do drag one day, you know), find this rather insulting, because you referred to transvestites in a derogatory manner. For shame... tut, tut.

What else can I say? (Sarah has just exclaimed to one of her essays: THIS IS SO BORING) Oh yes, my wisdoms are pushing out. And I don't like this, because it means I will have to go into hospital, and I hate the hospital. But the bright side of this is that I will have to go on a liquid diet afterwards, which means I will lose weight. (Now Sarah has just said "I want to staple my hair to the counter [because] I am so bored of this essay.") I also read this particular essay, and I can also testify to the fact that the essay is boring. I mean, really, the chiccie is talking about what happen in 1386 in Taiwan. genaaaarde. (this translates loosely as 'Heaven on Earth' and is pronounced ghen-aa-aa-aar-duh, and not jen-aaarde, as Sarah said. ha ha. ha ha ha ha. L to the OSER --> LOSER)

Ok well that will be all for now. Sarah has just given me one of her carmello bear. I love Sarah. She is very cool.

She has just said that she wants to thank anyone who designed a piece of chocolate in the shape of a koala bear.

Ok.. goodbye. And remember to view my blog bunnies!!!!! And comment on it!!! Because I'm important too. http://www.xanga.com/joburgboy

tut tut # 2

vanny and i went to partake of breakfast (our usual saturday morning @ M&A in rosebank) (yes today is sunday but i forgot this side rant yesterday)

and when we parked eugene, we noticed that the car next to us (big fancy shmancy thing) was housing a poor little yappy puppy. without even a smidgen of an open window.

oh well, we thought, maybe the people had to run in for 5 seconds to get something

but when we got back, 2 HOURS LATER, the little pooch was still there, lying on the floor of the car, probably out of energy... or life

so we left a post it stuck on the moron's window

"we hope that one day someone locks you in a car for hours and doesnt even bother to open the window"

the human race tut tut

so yesterday i was attempting to enter the University as normal, sitting in the back of vanessa's car eugene, edging our way up the never-ending queue of cars, swiping their cards to prompt the lifting of the boom.

edging...
closer
...
closer

when the car in front of us, started taking their sweet maryanne of a time. on a concentrated closer inspection, we noticed that the woman (despite the little drawings on the swipy machine that ILLUSTRATE exactly what to do) was swiping her card the wrong way. so we used mental power "turn the card round... the OTHER way..."

and so, because of our super brain fuelled strength, she gave up and started gesturing frantically at the secturity guard on the ooooother side of the world. dramatic arm movement! almost audible sigh! banging of fingers against side of car!

so i got out. flounced over.

"sorry, but you are swiping your card the wrong way" i said
"like oooo-oooh my god!"

my calling? life instructor for card swipers!

oddish night happenings

rufus the naked mole rat from kim possible ... especially for helen and lucas for they love these little things so ...












i have been having the oddest of the odd dreams lately!

firstly, we were in my street (and by we i mean a whole bunch of people such as you AP&ES people, mary marx,my gran, the woman who won the nobel peace prize and who is stuck under house arrest in myanmar and sandwhich boy) and all of a sudden the weird Big Haired Boy who hangs out in the coffee shop next to my book store came and wanted to hang out with us and all of a sudden he was laughing and then he shot me in the leg with a tranquiliser gun. odd. i hope its not a premonition because i dont see any obvious reason as to why this act would help him or me.

anyhoo, then I was at a Quidditch match (!) and sitting in the highest part of the stadium when all of a sudden O'Hottie was sitting next to me crying his eyes out (because he is not at all a big manly rugby player in real life!) because his girlfriend the physio was helping the Griffindor team and he didnt want her to. I missed the whole match trying to comfort his snivelling.

Then last night , i was at a world MUN competition and i had forgotten to write my opening statement and we were Albania and going first and i had to make something up. This has almost happened in real life. i can never prepare speeches ahead of time. i just cant. Vanny thinks this dream is to do with a fear of being unprepared that stemmed from my family giving me a 'talking to' the other day about how i 'have no direction' and how 'doing my masters is just taking the easy way out'... i was like excuuuuuuse me you travestido's, but i am having to take an entire year off in the middle of my masters in order for me to stay sane and actually do research and not have burnout! cut me some slack people! i at least have a plan for the next 3 years... and i keep trying to explain to them that i cant have an exact plan in steps and time frames for my entire life because so much depends on other people and job opportunities that crop up! so , please, dear souls, console me and tell me how you all have no direction or how you didnt have much direction when you were 22 ... i need a good nights sleep and cant if i'm dreaming odd things! so i need to know i'm not all alone in this world of chance where preparation is not king, but purely a cleaner of the bathroom

farewell kofi

even though he only officially leaves on 1 January 2007, the announcement of South Korean Ban Ki-Moon as the new Secretary General saddens me. i truly respect kofi

saddened

my brother's friend (the lovely Grant) received awful news on his birthday whilst their whole gang was off having a celebratory drink at the Jolly Roger on Sunday. His mom (who had just that week come back from chemo, all clean and healthy), had been coming out of her sister's house and some guys had jumped out of the bushes and tried to grab her bag away from her. as a knee jerk reaction, she had tried to yank it away. and so, they shot her in the back of her head. and she died on the pavement.

why do people do this? we watch movies like tsotsi (which in my humble opinion was crap and did not deserve the oscar) that only serve to perpetrate excuses. 'oh these people have no other choice ... to survive' like its some kind of battle between 'haves' and 'have nots' modern day robin hoods. well, they're not. i am angry. which is not a usual emotion for me, and i know it will dissolve in about half an hour but right now i can see no excuse for human behaviour. we are, in a utopian way, supposed to abide by a common set of values and principles. and even if these differ in slight ways as they are want to do because of obvious cultural differences, in my mind i can't see the respect for the lives of others as having very much leeway... its kinda cut and dry.

so how do you change something like this? how do you try and implement respect in others? Shaks was telling me the other day, how mad she got in law - they were discussing rape and the different laws in different countries. In SA, if a woman agrees to sex and then, during sex, decides to stop, this is not considered rape (!) and some moron guy became all verbose and loud in agreement. and it took some girls in the class to stand up and counter-act him. how do we change these societal flaws? how do we try and promote, not even respect, but just simple dignity in others? i dont really know where to begin. and i am saddened.

things people have said to me today at the book store

"excuse me, but since you dont have this book in stock, please would you check which libraries in the vacinity would have it?" no... i'm not going to do that

"hi... where are all the books written by indian authors in ... hmmm ... about the sixth century?" why yes... let me lead you to that section

"hi ... i am looking for books. please follow me around the store with a piece of paper and write all the titles i like down?" says a woman ignoring the fact that there are 2 of us at the counter and about 16 customers in a queue

(and now blogger is stuck on italics ... i broke it ... grrr)

"i don't know the title ... or the author... or what it's about ... but i'm looking for a book ... i think the author might have the name caitlin somewhere" ... well my second name is caitlin ... maybe you want something i've written?

me : "hi sir ... blah blah blah ... what do you do for a living?"
him : "i'm a mercenary"
another one!

the arbest thing i have read ... possibly this whole year ... and i know my arb!

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/05/world/asia/05china.html?th&emc=th

no

seriously people

arb!

an ode to the return of my flash

he he he

* sheepish grin *

it came back. actually ... hmmm ... i'm sitting here at work and i remember that i found it just before i had to run out the door, but for the life of me i cant remember where exactly

someone really needs to help me. shaks has always said she'd be my PA, but she's obviously slacking off ;) i mean, i'm obviously inept at running my own life efficiently!

ps i missed all you guys today. but i learnt invaluable life lessons by watching 3 back to back episodes of kim possible this morning over breakfast. i shall impart this wisdom on you all tomorrow.

and until then, to all a good night x

an ode to my flash

i am saddened for i cannot find my flash disk. and whilst its probably not very constructive to love a piece of technology, i loved that thing. it flipped out when you pressed a button and had an awesome flashing light every time you did something cool. sigh. farewell dear flash. i hope you find someone that will give you a good home and only save cool things in your large memory (such as the calvin & hobbes collection we shared). farewell.

anyway, onto happier things - i am LOVING the book i am reading - 'Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close'... working my student job at the book shop allows me to read a lot of twaddle, but once in a while i come across something really great. anybody looking for something to do (ahahahaa - if there actually is anyone apart from me with a smidgen of free time... i complained about having to hand my thesis in so early and then laughed when everyone started having to graft hard but now i'm just bemoaning the loneliness that comes with being the only one with nothing to do and no exams to write... hmmm ... that sentence was supposed to make everyone feel sorry for me, but i think it might have the opposite effect, anyway ... i digress) if anyone is looking for something , read this book. i understand it might not be everyone's cup of earl grey breakfast tea, but i'd like to hear what everyone thinks. I read two pages of it to Vanny and her boyfriend The Brain, and they enjoyed it! so lets go folks! get out those bifocals!

Hmmm there was something else i wanted to say ... but now.... i cant remember so i'm going to have to talk about something else : for example the electricity board in jo'burg! they have to be the most incompetent people on the face of the planet (let's all take a minute of silence to hope that these people never have the opportunity to breed) and they have done something incredibly dumb and irritating to vanny's electricity and i wish to send my heartfelt sympathy to her and the rest of her clan. Do you know how irritating it is to live without electricity when you have to write your thesis? and its all fine and dandy pretending to be Laura Ingalls Wilder a la Little House on the Prairie for about ten minutes, and then you end up singeing your hair on the candle and realise that you can't watch the news and something exciting could be happening and suddenly its not all that happy. I remember my uncle dave's last house that we ended up house sitting for an extended period of time (3 years) while he earnt millions and flounced about builing skyscrapers in Arabia and the police came to the house one day and there was all this hoo-hah about electricity and my brother and gran had to go fix it at the police station and at the Council for Water and Lights in the middle of town and they left me at home to study and my gran's parting words were 'if the police come here and need to take someone in for questioning and since you are the only person here, they take you, don't tell them anything about the mafia... and lock the kitchen door before you go' ... don't tell them anything about the mafia? turns out uncle dave had inadvertedly bought this house from the Israeli mafia that had had to flee the country and they had an illegal generator on the property. that was an interesting day.

walking dead

so tired

.........brain smushy...........

want bed

have to teach children ...... must impart wisdom .... must

.....coffeeeee....