When I Am In A Place I Feel Uncomfortable In I Like To Pretend I Am Someone Important And Have A Secret Identity

I’ve come to realise that I am a secret agent. Like in The Incredibles , only I’m not completely sure what my mission is yet. I’m waiting for someone to hand me a brief and a cool weapons kit with a secret ray gun and a compass. So until that moment comes, I have decided that I need to start training in preparation. So, in the last two days, I have watched three political thrillers (one not so much a thriller as a sleep aid) and am busy watching Air Force One. I never knew I liked Harrison Ford. He’s actually quite cool.

I love angry Russian rebels. They are all broody and heavy eye-lidded. You just couldn’t have an angry rebel movie with the angry rebels played by any other nationality. The Russian accent is a genetic rebel miracle. Yuri, pass me the vodka before I kill the filthy political prisoners. Kazakhstan and the Bolsheviks unite! The French rebels would just sound like pansies - all la di da and flowery poetry… they could play rebels, but the Broadway musical version of them. Germans? No one would understand what the hell they were saying. Plus they’d eat too many apple strudels and forget what they were saying. Hitler and the Nazi’s showed that Germany can actually be quite organised and scary with their handshakes and salutes and widescale discrimination and stuff , but you can’t have organised rebel groups because then how will Harrison Ford and Samuel L Jackson ever defeat them with America and the world in jeopardy? No no that just won’t do. Besides – and this has to be the number one reason – Russians have the coolest eye brows. You can tell a Russian from a mile away. That would really help in rebel identification.

(sarcasm aside i really like the germans... misunderstood bunch villanised in the movies)